As the relationship moves forward, however, their need to devalue their victims kicks in and their pathological envy and competitiveness becomes more and more apparent. They have no problem in benefiting from your wealth, your reputation and your various assets. They may use you as a “trophy” to show off to others, gaining status and prestige from simply being associated with you.
Initially, narcissists and otherwise toxic people may claim to be very happy for your success during the idealization and love-bombing phases of the relationship, they may even excessively congratulate, praise and flatter you. As a result, they will do anything and everything possible to minimize the accomplishments of those who threaten their false sense of grandiosity and superiority. The success of others evokes their pathological envy, reminding them of what they lack and could never achieve themselves. This is why narcissists tend to be pompous critics, usually incapable of the same efforts they criticize in others. Any threat to their grandiose delusions of grandeur will result in a narcissistic injury, and inevitably, narcissistic rage. Yet this horrifying aspect of a narcissist’s diagnostic criteria is even noted in the DSM-5, which states that not only are narcissists envious of others, they believe others to be envious of them.Ī narcissist’s pathological envy arises from their need to be the best, their excessive sense of entitlement to being the center of attention at all times, with the most fame, wealth, and status. We often cannot fathom that a loved one, whether a friend, a family member or significant other, would ever want to sabotage our success, undermine our joy or belittle our accomplishments. Out of all of the manipulative tactics and forms of coercion and control a malignant narcissistic abuser subjects us to, the pathological envy of a narcissist is one of the most baffling and devastating experiences of the narcissistic abuse experience.
Shahida Arabi, POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse. In fact, narcissistic abusers feel particular joy at bringing down anyone whose accomplishments and traits they envy to reinforce their false sense of superiority. Abusers manipulate victims because they enjoy the feelings of power and control, not because victims themselves lack merits.
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